This booklet is an expanded version of Ralph Blair's keynote address at the summer connECtions85 held in Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and California. Dr. Blair is a psychotherapist in private practice in New York City. He is founder of Evangelicals Concerned, Inc.

Copyright © 1985. by Ralph Blair. All rights reserved.

"We are what we are." That's what the line of female impersonators sings as the sun goes down and the nightclub lights come up at the opening of the Broadway hit, LaCage aux Folles. [1] "We are what we are, and what we are is an illusion," sings the "Pride of St. Tropez," "fac[ing] life with a little guts and lots of glitter."

These words by Jerry Herman are intended to be a "triumphant" reprise throughout the show, but they are, I think, sad words, ineffectual and defensive, words of empty and hollow defiance.

The next number repeats the theme in even greater irony as Albin, who becomes ZaZa, sits on the john seat in his dressing room preparing, as he puts it, "once again ... to be someone who's anyone else but me." Why? In order to "cope again, [to] hope again" when "life's a real bitch again." His solution? "The Big Switch: I put a little more mascara on." And instead of being depressed by the "tired old face" that he sees, he claims that then "Everything's sparkle dust, bugle beads, ostrich plumes, when it's a beaded lash you're looking through!" And when he "needs something level to lean upon," he sings, "I hustle out my highest drag and put a little more mascara on." Then again, "Everything's ravishing, sensual, fabulous: when Albin's tucked away and ZaZa is here!" Poor Albin. He has no better solution "when," as he puts it: his "self-esteem has begun to drift" than to "strap on [his] fake boobs again and literally give [himself] a lift." He knows no better way "to make depression disappear" than to "screw some rhinestones on my ear, and put my broaches and tiara and a little more mascara on."

At the end of Act 1, Albin is hurt and angry, feeling what one feels believing he's been rejected, believing he's not loved as is, and he picks up the hollow discord once again as he sings in garish defense: "I am what I am." Unwittingly internalizing what he believes is the judgment of others against himself, he repeats his mistake and invites even more judgment from those to whom he sings: "Come, take a look, give me the hook or the ovation."

Invictus-like, he tries to take control, insisting: "I am my own special creation!" Trying desperately to be enough in himself by asserting an unbelievable autonomy, he shouts: "I deal my own deck, I bang my own drum ... It's my world." The poor guy, all alone on the stage, demands in a grandly sustained excuse: "I am what I am and what I am needs no excuses." The one who has "tucked Albin away" to hide behind Zaza's sparkle dust, shouts out: "It's my world, not a place I have to hide in!" He yells: "Life's a sham ... not worth a damn ... until you can shout out 'I am what I am'" -- yet he sees what he can't admit: that his life is in shambles through all of the shouting, and he storms off stage.

Every effort such as Albin's, at self-justification -- trusting the creature instead of the Creator -- is evidence of foolish pride and res